


He's Different

by Velika_Azure_Wing



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Canonical Rape/Non-con, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Gabriel Lorca, Mentioned L'Rell, Mentioned Michael Burnham, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24035989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velika_Azure_Wing/pseuds/Velika_Azure_Wing
Summary: Ash and Pike have some serious discussions about the past and boundaries. Nothing anymore graphic that the show. I promise.
Relationships: Christopher Pike/Ash Tyler | Voq
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	He's Different

Captain Christopher Pike was like no other man, of that, Lt. Ash Tyler was certain. Pike wasn't L'Rell or Burnham and he certainly wasn't Lorca. He could never quite put a finger on why he allowed himself to be with Pike, but maybe that was the reason. 

At the end of his shift Ash snuck over to the captain's quarters as was quickly becoming habit. He made sure no one was looking, then went up and pressed the door chime. It opened quickly and Pike smiled when he saw him. 

Ash was quickly ushered inside and Pike (Chris when they were alone, Ash reminded himself) was on him as soon as the door closed. It wasn't like this every day. Some days they talked, but Ash much preferred days like today. 

Both men worked quickly to remove each other's jackets as Chris walked them back to the bed. Ash found himself engrossed in the feel of Chris's lips and the smoky smell of his aftershave. As they walked Ash's knees hit the end of the bed and he fell backwards onto it, Chris falling on top of him. Chris shifted quickly to sit on Ash's hips and then L'Rell was on top of him and Lorca had his hands on his throat and Ash could breathe. 

"Ash? Ash, what's wrong?" Chris asked as he moved off Ash to sit next to him. "Ash, can you hear me?" 

Ash scrambled backwards unti his back pressed against the wall. His eyes were wild and unfocused as he tried to gather himself. 

Chris spoke quietly, "Ash, it's okay. I'm right here. Do you need me to call someone from medical?"

Ash swallowed and shook his head. "N-no." 

"Okay," Chris said. "Are you alright if I come closer?" 

Ash was still for a moment before giving a silent nod. Chris moved slowly and telegraphed every action as he approached Ash. He then moved himself on the bed but made sure to leave room between himself and his frightened partner. 

"Is it alright if I touch you?" Chris asked. 

As sat quietly for a moment. He found himself struggling to understand if there was any hidden meaning or subtext to the question. Fearing repercussion, he said yes.

To his surprise, Chris gently guided Ash to lay against his chest with a feather light touch. This surprising gesture of kindness overwhelmed his already fragile emotional state and he found himself shaking in Chris's arms with silent tears. 

They stayed like that until he had calmed down. Neither knew exactly how long it took, but once it was over Chris gently stroked Ash's hair. 

"Hey," he asked gently, "what happened back there?"

Ash sniffed. "I don't want to talk about it." 

"Okay." Chris paused. "I think I should know if I did something to trigger it, though. I need to know if this is going to happen again and if I coul be responsible." 

"What happened wasn't your fault." 

"Okay, but I, Ash, I need to know enough to make sure I'm not hurting you. If I can't do that then this has to stop happening." 

Ash stilled against him. 

"I'm not threatening you, Ash. I don't need detail I just need to know if you're okay."

"What do you know about me before Discovery?" Ash asked.

"I know you were a Klingon spy named Voq that was sent in as a sleeper agent. I know that Lorca brought you in off a prison ship. I know that you, Ash Tyler, were a human Starfleet officer before all of that who was used as the template for the Klingons to build their officer."

"When I was on that ship," Ash said, "I didn't remember being anything but Ash Tyler, but the conditioning wasn't perfect. Some things started slipping through. L'Rell and Voq had been lovers when this was done to him, to me. I started to remember the surgeries and L'Rell. All the other prisoners died and I remembered being in her bed and I thought-" Ash's voice caught in his throat. 

"You thought she assaulted you." Chris's voice was soft and heartbroken.

"I don't know that she didn't," Ash said. "I want to believe she didn't. I know most of it at least was consensual between them, but it's my body now and I didn't- I wouldn't..."

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. Breathe," Chris instructed.

"I know for some of it I already looked like this," Ash gestured to himself. "I just can't tell if Ash had already been put in place over Voq. I don't think so, but the memories are so jumbled and I still feel... wrong." 

Chris nodded. "Hey, I don't think anyone could fault you for that."

"After I was rescued I tried to be normal. I tried to prove to myself that I could be with someone and be fine, and with Burnham, for a little while, it worked, but not for long. I need something more. She was nice, but I didn't want nice and Lorca... He wasn't nice." 

Chris stayed quiet for a moment before speaking. "I can't I fault you for any of that. Hell, I don't even know what I'd do in a situation like that, but Ash, I'm not going to hurt you or help you hurt yourself. If this is going to continue, we need to set boundaries. We should have done that before, but I didn't-"

"You didn't think this would keep happening," Ash interrupted.

"No, I didn't, but it doesn't appear to be stopping," Chris said. "So, boundaries. I personally don't like surprises. Don't spring something on me without a warning first." 

"Of course."

"Okay, what's one for you?"

Ash swallowed. "Don't be on top of me, please. L'Rell liked to ride me, um, Voq. I don't want you to do that." 

"Alright," Chris said. "Another one from me, I don't like feeling on display. On Talos, I was kept in a glass case. I don't like to feel like an object." 

Ash nodded. "I understand. I would prefer if there was no biting or scratching. I also don't like to be embarrassed or demeaned. Don't call me weak or a half-breed." 

"I wouldn't dream of it." 

They sat quietly for a while before Ash spoke up and said, "I kinda killed the mood didn't I?" 

"Of course not," Chris said. "I am perfectly happy to spend the night like this. Are you?"

"Yes. Very much so."

So maybe this was why Pike was different. He didn't push like L'Rell or ignore Ash like Lorca or fear and pity him like Burnham. Maybe none of that is why. Maybe it doesn't really matter why. Maybe, just maybe, Chris is just different enough for Ash to be happy and to continue healing with. Either way, he was going to be sure to cherish every moment.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how I feel about this one. Parts of it were cathartic to write but on others I'm not sure. I concidered not posting it. I'm gonna do it anyway. I hope someone likes it.


End file.
